This is the second of two really important and powerful conversations with author Nicole Mathieson. Nicole guides us towards self compassion on our inevitable journey of being brought up in today’s society - a journey that pressures us to look or be a certain way. She asks us to be mindful of self judgement, and to trust that if we focus on creating a healthy culture of people around us, people who value us for more than our looks, we will create a kinder and more positive way forward for ourselves and those around us. This conversation will foster greater self acceptance and self love.
Nicole Mathieson is a Brisbane based counsellor and couple therapist, has a couple of podcasts and is the author of 'The Beauty Load - how to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty'. Her relatable and big-hearted wisdom sees her explore personal and intimate topics that many others dare not speak about.
Listen to the full episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcast and more. I highly recommend listening to Episode 45 -'How to feel enough under the weight of the The Beauty Load' here.
Broadcast: March 1, 2023
Duration: 51:26
Here’s a snippet of the full podcast...
To recap, what is The Beauty Load?
I believe the beauty load is a load that sits on our shoulders constantly throughout our life, similar to a lot of your listeners will be familiar with the term the mental load or the emotional load. It's like this constant load that we're carrying and we can't seem to shake off. I say that there's another load, which is this constant vigilance about our looks, about our appearance, about fitting in, in terms of looking good enough. And there's so many different aspects of that. There's the work of beauty, there's appropriacy, there’s how much I fit into the idealised version of beauty. And in amongst that is racism and fat shaming and thin privilege and ability and disability, shaming, or privilege. So the beauty load is something that I say sits on our shoulders and creates constant angst.
Compassion for the thoughts that come.
I like us to think to ourselves that these thoughts about our bodies and our looks are inevitable. And I know that that might sound depressing, but actually it's liberating, so that you don't have to worry about the fact that you have these thoughts. The fact that that thought arrives, or that part of you that's worried about your looks arrives in your psyche is inevitable. It is not a worry that you have that thought, it is just a result of being brought up in this culture. And you do not have to follow that thought, you do not have to follow it down a gnarly corridor. You just have to go, “ah, yes, of course you're here..”
So keeping an eye on self judgement.
But what we also need to watch is the other part that comes in, which is the judgment. It's like, you shouldn't hate your body. You shouldn’t worry about being old. You're a feminist. You're a 50 year old woman. You should be over this by now. You know, you're privileged.. whatever it is. So that can be a real block in us being compassionate to our parts. It's also a worried part, that is wanting the best for you and not wanting you to be selfish, not wanting you to be worried about this, not wanting you to be anxious.
Creating a healthy culture.
Then we have to create our own culture, you know, a culture of the people we surround ourselves with. And we can do that on social media. There's the ugly, ugly side of social media, which is like, "Oh my God, everyone is gorgeous and has more money and has more amazing hairstyles" or whatever. But there's also people like you out there that value the similar things and have amazing positive messages. So we need to find our people. We need to create the culture for ourselves in our internal world and for our kids and our families and our friends, a culture where we are appreciating the hearts and souls and true selves of each other. Where we're encouraging people for all kinds of things, not just looks.
